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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25737496">Don't sink because my heart's not heavy</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/feel_like_plastic_waste/pseuds/feel_like_plastic_waste'>feel_like_plastic_waste</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Half-Life</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aromantic, Asexual Character, Coming Out, Fluff, Gen, Mute Gordon Freeman, One Shot, alt title: look at how hard i can project on gordon freeman, aroace gordon rights, both Gordon and Alyx are trans btw, i guess, its not mentioned in the fic but its important for me that you know they are</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 02:07:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,026</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25737496</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/feel_like_plastic_waste/pseuds/feel_like_plastic_waste</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It's really hard to tell people you're uncomfortable with people making jokes about you and your friend sleeping together when 1. you're in the middle of a warzone and 2. you're in the middle of a warzone. Thankfully, Gordon gets to open up a bit during quieter times.</p><p>title is from Heart Heavy by Mother Mother</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Gordon Freeman &amp; Alyx Vance</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>75</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Don't sink because my heart's not heavy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Eli had started the awkward comments. Gordon hadn't minded much- he was, well, used to it in a weird way. He wasn't unattractive by any means and he'd heard his fair share of unwanted comments whenever he let himself be casual around a friend. Then Barney made a few comments of his own. Gordon replied to them with playful jabs, though he recalled that Barney… didn't know. Oh well, they were in the middle of a warzone- it wasn't really the time to correct him. He hoped his body language was able to speak for itself- that maybe someone would be able to catch onto the way his lips tightened and his face scrunched up in annoyance whenever they thought he hadn't heard their innuendos regarding him and Alyx.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then Alyx herself made a few comments of her own and Gordon realized that his body language was not, in fact, being read. Still, it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>fine</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He had more pressing matters to take care of, he didn't have </span>
  <em>
    <span>time</span>
  </em>
  <span> to stop and explain. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>White Forest was the last straw though. </span>
  <em>
    <span>You can't blame a man for wanting grandkids</span>
  </em>
  <span> echoed in his mind as he stormed away from the room. That… hit close to home, paraphrasing something his mother had told him long ago. It was stupid, he didn't have time, it wasn't important- and maybe he was worrying for nothing, he was overreacting over a stupid comment that didn't even mean anything-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Gordon?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He spun around at Alyx's voice, now realizing that he was… in a very unfamiliar hallway. He'd been so stuck in his own head, he's barely noticed he's gotten himself lost.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Hey, you alright?" Alyx pressed, stepping closer to him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He nodded a quick yes, looking down at the floor. This was stupid. It was stupid! He shouldn't be angry, especially not at Alyx. She didn't know- hell, no one knew, except some old friends and, well, his parents. None of them had taken it well- they hadn't taken it badly either, but… god, he was </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> in the mood for another 'phase' speech, or worse, 'you just haven't met the right person yet'. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maybe Alyx would understand though, or maybe she would even just chalk it up to trauma and not question it. It was always better when no one questioned it- at least then, he didn't have to go through the usual talk about 'human instincts'. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I mean… I don't mean to pry, Gordo, but you seemed pretty upset when you stormed out." Alyx told him, crossing her arms over her chest. Realization dawned on her quickly though, Gordon was thankful for that. "Is it about what my dad said? Oh, god, Gordon, don't listen to him, he just… he really needs a filter sometimes."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"It's okay." He signed, his hands lingering for a few moments, hesitating. He didn't know what was stopping him- Alyx was his friend! She would understand! And if she didn't… </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Resigned, he continued to sign, "Alyx, you're a very lovely person and I consider you a friend, but I don't… see you in that way." He takes a pause, waiting for her process. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She nods for him to continue, her expression unreadable. Oh boy. That's never a good sign. He continues anyway."I've never seen anyone like that though! It's not just you. Romance or even sex, I've never really cared for it." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His hands fall to his side once he's done, though he keeps his eyes on Alyx's face. She's looking in his general direction, but he can tell she's not seeing him, lost in her thoughts.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Finally, she chuckled, looking up at him with a smile. "So we've been making you pretty uncomfortable this whole time, huh?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Gordon hesitated, then lifted his hand and rocked it in a "so-so" gesture. Alyx sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"God… Gordon, I'm so sorry. If I'd known you were aromantic I wouldn't have… Gosh." </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Gordon frowned. He's heard about that term before, but things like that weren't commonly talked about back in 1998 as they were now. A few rebels had once delved into that kind of conversation with him- on a calmer night where he had finally been allowed to rest a little. The label had been explained to him, though not in great detail… but it felt right, it felt like something he'd been looking for for a long time, though now that he found it… he wasn't sure what to do about it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then what she said actually registered in his mind and he looked back up at her, blinking hard. "Wait, so like… no talk about how I just haven't found the right person yet?" He asked, hoping the smile on his face would be able to portray his sarcasm, though Alyx only shook her head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"No way man, that's total bullshit and we both know it." She scoffed. "Hate people who say that…"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I'm used to it." He signed. "It's why I never really told anyone."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"No one?" Alyx's mouth hung agape for a moment. "You mean… Am I the first one you're telling this to?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He nodded. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Oh, fuck! Gordon that's… congrats! I guess, you want me to like… keep it hush hush until you tell people or?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Gordon frowned, about to ask her what the big deal was before she cut him off. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I mean! You don't have to! Not everyone wants to have like, a big coming out it's just… I don't know, when I came out I wanted to shout it on every rooftop, but you… I'll just let you do your own thing…" She rambled, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear with slight embarrassment, though Gordon only chuckled and closed the distance between them, pulling her into a quick, tight hug.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Thank you." He signed to her afterwards, earning him another smile.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Of course, anything for you, buddy." She giggled. "Next time dad makes another comment like that, I'll be sure to put him in his place properly." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Thank you for that as well." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Don't mention it… now, I know I'm not Barney, but how about I grab each of us a beer?" </span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>aroace Gordon is a headcanon that I hold very close to my heart because uuuh guess who figured out they're greyromantic??? that's not a bad thing but it's taking me a bit aback and making me question my entire sexuality and shit so I'm just coping by projecting onto video game characters! Yeehaw!</p><p>follow me on my half life tumblr @drizzykleiner</p></blockquote></div></div>
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